The Parable of the Slingshot

-- By Elizabeth Schroeder Chesney

In a small village, there was a woman who looked after the towns children during the day while their mothers tended the fields and their fathers hunted in the forest.

The children all knew one another and played well together. When they weren't running, jumping and playing they were singing songs happily or sitting together chatting in small groups, admiring the birds and the clouds and the insects that busily crawled amongst them carrying their food and building their homes.

One day one of the children brought a slingshot from home. He picked up a rock and promptly slung it at the head of one of the other children, who ran away in tears with blood running down his face. The next day, two other children brought slingshots, and by the end of the afternoon, they too had picked up rocks and slung them at other children. One child lost an eye permanently.

By the end of the week, more than half of the children had brought slingshots to the playground. The ones that carried them strutted amongst the other children haughtily. Soon they grabbed their rocks and began shooting one another, resulting in many serious injuries.

That afternoon, the woman who tended the children took all of the slingshots away. She told the children that slingshots were no longer allowed at the playground. She returned the slingshots to the parents and told them that from this moment on, slingshots were permanently banned from the playground.

The next day, the children sheepishly returned to the playground without their slingshots. There was little playing, or singing, or chatting amongst the children. They were still quite frightened and confused. They weren't sure who to trust, or what would happen next.

 A few children were angry that they were no longer allowed to carry slingshots.  In the short time that they had carried them, they had come to enjoy the feeling of power the slingshots gave them over the other children.

 For the next several days, the children remained quiet and isolated on the playground.

Finally, after a bit more time had passed, some of the children began running, jumping and playing together. They soon sang songs again, and happily sat together chatting in small groups, admiring the birds and the clouds and the insects that busily crawled amongst them, carrying their food and building their homes.

10 Life Lessons I've Learned from the Real Housewives

Ahhhhh, The Real Housewives. Watching them are among my most shameful guilty pleasures. But hey, I'm not the only one. Julia Roberts, Anderson Cooper and Brad Pitt are fans. And for all I know, Jane Goodall, Mike Huckabee, Hillary Clinton and the Pope himself are closet watchers. It's hard to say, because most people who watch aren't as brave as me by admitting they're fans. They keep it to themselves.

The creator, Andy Cohen says that watching their antics should earn us college credits in psychology, sociology and human behavior. I completely agree, and after months and months of donning my lab coat and taking feverish notes, I've learned some things.

Let's just call them "cautionary tales..."

                                   1) When in a conflict, shut your mouth for 
                                             once and listen to the other person

                Ramona: "You're not listening to me!" 

             Sonja: "YOU'RE not listening to ME!" 

  Both break down crying. 

This scenario happens every week amongst the housewives.  These ladies spend a lot of time talking and expressing their feelings. Only problem is, they're not so big on listening to someone else's long, drawn out problems. Hey, they're busy ladies! They don't have hours to just sit and listen. They have a massage they need to get to, and that blowout party to prepare for.  

                                                            2) Don't be a "firestarter"

The Countess Luann loves spreading that piece of juicy gossip

Gossip is fun. I get it. It makes us feel instantly better about ourselves in two ways: a) talking about other people's embarrassing foibles diverts attention away from our own faults; and b) people love it when you share that tantalizing tidbit about someone else.  By having access to the secret information, it makes you look like you're "in the know." It's interesting. It's slightly scandalous. It's something other than the boring daily grind of kids, jobs, work. 

But some of the Housewives turn it into a high art form -- they're the firestarters. They love the power of lighting that match and watching the fire spread. 

Look, some spiritual leaders actually say that gossip, rendered fairly and in limited doses, can actually be spiritual -- because we can learn from other people's pain or failures. 

But to not pass on the tasty morsel takes character. It takes self-control, self-esteem and compassion for the subject of the gossip. These are traits that are in short supply in many of these women. But they ignore this at their peril, because one of the painful side effects of being a chronic firestarter is eventually nobody trusts you anymore. And who wants that?

                                               3) Don't live beyond your means

In a painful moment on the show, Real Housewife Lynn's teenage daughter receives family eviction papers on national television

 Oy vey, over the years many, many of these women have gone bankrupt and lost their mansions, which it turns out were way, way beyond their means. Of course, living the "simple life" is not exactly conducive to $100,000 shopping sprees and vacation mansions in East Hampton. And I'm sure living that jet-setting lifestyle is intoxicating and even kick-ass fun a lot of the time. But to get to their top tier world -- and to stay in it -- requires a certain style. Expensive style. And once you're up there on the tightrope, the view is grand, and most people don't want to go back down to be with us minions. So they take out second and third mortgages. They keep up appearances. Until it all inevitably comes crashing down.





                                     4) Crying "I was just being honest!" after saying 
                                          something impossibly cruel is not an excuse

Ramona is prone to saying things like: "I've got hundreds of friends, and you don't have any!" She tends say these things after several glasses of her favorite, Pinot Grigio.

And then, when called on her cruelty, she throws up her hands defensively and says: "I was just being honest!"  Sigh. Really? Lordy -- don't they teach basic manners in boarding school anymore? 

                                                          5) Don't be a 'record keeper' 

The Beverly Hills housewives say: "Who did what to whom again? Who am I supposed to be mad at? Whose side am I on in this one? I can't keep it straight..."

Lordy, these ladies are notorious record keepers. Sometimes it feels like during the rare times they actually listen to one another speak, they've got their feelers out for something -- anything -- to take personally. What follows is weeks and weeks of righteous indignation on steroids. 

What's missing here is basic, simple communication. Things like "Think before you speak." Or fixing miscommunications in the early stages. These ladies really seem to get off on the drama. 

It's almost as if, since they have few "regular problems," being as rich and famous as they are, that they have to create drama where none need exist. It's really frustrating to watch, and it's gotta be exhausting. 

                                            6) When you've wronged someone, 
                            take ownership of it right away and sincerely apologize

"I called her to apologize, but SHE wouldn't apologize for what SHE said!"

This is another common scenario amongst these ladies: Housewife #1 says something slightly mean to Housewife #2; Housewife #2 is shocked and offended, stomps off and proceeds to gossip all over town about "what SHE said." Housewife #1 is now upset that housewife #2 was so oversensitive and told everybody about the kerfuffle. Housewife #1 calls #2 to try to fix the problem. Housewife #2 is happy that Housewife #1 is finally going to apologise. But Housewife #1 says: "I don't have anything to apologize for -- I was expecting YOU to apologize!" More tears, more ridiculous drama about nothing, more gossiping to everyone about how each felt she was wronged.

I swear, sometimes you need charts and graphs to keep all of the stupid miscommunications that were blown up unnecessarily, spreading collateral damage far and wide -- and all happening at once.

It's such a pathetic waste of energy. 

                                           7) Learn what "age appropriate" dress means

Vicki, the self-crowned Queen of Coto de Caza, Orange County

New Jersey housewife Theresa showing questionable taste in this outfit. By the way, she got thrown into the slammer for tax evasion (again, living beyond her means), and I'm assuming her outfits are a bit more modest now (in jail). 

                                     8) Don't constantly correct others and tell them 
                                                how they should live their lives

Orange County housewife Heather has a great life. She's smart, beautiful, has a rich plastic surgeon husband and two lovely kids. But she's VEEEEERY self-satisfied, and she tends to point her finger across the table and say very intensely: "You need to do (fill in the blank." She may very well be right. But that's not the point. 

Wise teachers point out that unsolicited advice can sometimes be interpreted as an act of aggression. 

This is an issue that can be a problem for me as well. I just want to "help" so I can tend to hand out advice when none was requested. I'm working on it.

One more thing about Heather: she and her husband are building a dozens-of-millions-of-dollars custom mansion overlooking the ocean in Newport Coast. It will have 15 bathrooms. FIFTEEN BATHROOMS. 

Um, OK, hope everything turns out for you lovebirds, Heather (see #3 above).

                                                              9) Be good to the help

The pampered, rich housewife says to the exhausted, overworked Mexican immigrant woman giving her the massage: "You have NO idea how much I need this..." 

Oh, Lord.  Needless to say, the exhausted, overworked Mexican immigrant woman giving the massage has never RECEIVED a massage in her life -- and she has little hope of ever receiving one. 

And we don't really need to say which woman REALLY needs a good massage, now, do we?

I've actually seen a couple of the housewives say the exact same thing to a different exhausted, overworked Mexican immigrant woman lovingly giving her the massage. There are no words to describe how inappropriate, laughable, insensitive and just classless this is. Ladies, if you're lucky enough to be in the position to receive a luxurious massage from a hard working member of the working classes, just shut your trap, count your blessings and give her a gigantic tip. 

                                        10) If you want a long, happy marriage,
                                                        don't go on a reality show

OC housewife Tamra and her (now ex) husband Simon 

          These two actually seemed pretty happy when they first joined the cast. They seemed truly in love. But Simon, introverted by nature, was never comfortable with the cameras. Two years later, we actually saw the moment when the marriage ended with a flurry of curse words in the back of a limo. It was quite sad.

Which leads me to the saddest story of all: Bethenny and Jason.  Bethenny Frankel is a strong personality but she let her guard down and fell in love with Jason -- a good man. They married on TV, had a baby on TV, built their new life together on TV.

Jason supports Bethenny after she gave birth. A sweet, tender moment...but it IS on TV.

Their divorce only 2 years later was catastrophic and humiliating for Bethenny. And there have been countless other divorces on the show.

It's not rocket science. 

Sharing your life? Good.

Oversharing at the expense of privacy and your marriage, seeking fame and fortune ABOVE the dignity of your family relationship? Not so good.

Marriage is hard enough if you're just one of the regular people.

So, I admit it...as long as Bravo continues to lift the curtain and let us peek into the living rooms of people who willingly let us in with a smile -- I don't have the willpower NOT to watch.

Having said that, I don't think anyone should air all of their dirty laundry in this way. 

It's not healthy. 

But how can I NOT tune in, if they're willing to do it?

 As long as they're lifting the veil, I'll be watching.

But I still hope for a happy ending for all of them. 

Maybe they'll trip upon this list and heed my advice...

Slaves didn't have it THAT bad, right?

                    House slave Mammy smiles bravely in 1939's Gone With The Wind 

      Well, once again race is all over the teevee these days after the chilling murder of 

                9 black churchgoers by a young white man in Charleston, South Carolina. 

             The Charleston shooter took this selfie a few weeks ago. Well, I suppose if he posted it on match.com it might have helped him attract that certain type of girl who would appreciate this kind of thing. Unfortunately, I'm assuming his dating days are over.

   I've been a bit shocked (happily so) with the groundswell of movement in the south this week to clamp down on the flying of the Stars and Bars, especially on government grounds. I admit I do have concerns regarding the sincerity of the Republican governors sudden, about-face decision. Anyway, whatever the reason, it's a start.

But that flag is everywhere below the Mason-Dixon line. It'll take a while to get them out of the public square and into museums, where they belong. 

             Um, NASCAR, I know you're trying to attract more African American fans. 

                                        Dropping the rebel flag might be a good start. 

                  You can also buy countless products emblazoned with the rebel flag:

                                                                        bikini

                                                                           dog tag

A rebel flag video game console for the the little Bubba who has everything

iPhone cover featuring Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forest

This is an actual flag you can buy. I have no idea what it means, and I probably don't want to know. 

Hmmmm, wondering if they received permission from the Sesame Street people to make this flag...seems doubtful. 

Rebel flag beanbag toss

Since the decree to begin removing Rebel flags from the south, naturally there's a backlash brewing. 

This morning a (white) red-state friend of mine posted this photo on Facebook:

He also posted these words:  "I do not care what color the man is who is holding the flag. He just happens to be in the picture." 

Oh, dear... 

He then went on to say that the slaves really didn't have it that bad. Of course I've heard this meme before, but now with today's events, southern whites are dusting off this old talking point once again.

Look, I love Gone With The Wind as much as the next person.  And I'm sure there were slave owners who treated their slaves relatively well and even considered them part of the family (albeit 2nd or 3rd class). 

But it's time for some reality orientation here.

African slaves did not come here on a Carnival Cruise Ship in hopes of getting a great job with excellent benefits. Their "grand adventure" began when they were kidnapped and stolen from their villages in Africa, never to be seen again.

This slave ship diagram shows how they were shackled together in the bowels of the ship. I don't see any shuffleboard or Casino Nights going on here. And where's the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet?

You know what gives me nightmares? Thinking of those poor people down there during a severe storm at sea. Or worse yet, I imagine them in the cold darkness as the water slowly rose around them, knowing that sinking and an unspeakably awful death were imminent. 

Once in the states, they were promptly SOLD! To the highest bidder.

And of course, during the auction process, families were routinely spit up forever, sold to different plantations. 

"Yippee! Me and my family just got new jobs. OK, it may be backbreaking (picking cotton) with long hours (all day every day, 7 days a week -- NO days off) in the blistering heat, and I may have to look the other way while the boss man takes my 14 year old daughter up to his private quarters for the night, but at least we have room and board!" 

--  said no slave ever. 

The problem with slavery is it's addicting. 

White southerners love to wax nostalgic about the Genteel Christian Southern Gentleman Plantation Owner. Well, maybe some of these guys started out that way. 

Here's how a nice, Christian southern gentleman becomes, -- over several years -- the snarling, cruel slave owner we've all seen in the movies:

 At the start, he says: "Gee, I'm the last guy on the block who doesn't have any slaves. Maybe I'll just buy one or two...but that's it!" He happily finds that with free, unpaid labor, profits quickly double and triple. That feels good. So he goes on ahead and buys some more. 

After all, he didn't start it, and everybody's doing it, right?

 "If I don't buy these slaves then someone else will...someone who won't treat 'em half as good as I will!" he says to himself, managing to actually make himself feel BETTER about himself with this statement than worse.

 Like the addict he is, he frantically buys more and more slaves, cranking out way more product and dizzying profits.

He builds the wife a luxurious southern mansion.

With all that slave money, the Mrs. can finally dress and live in the manner of a true, Southern lady! Life was good for the slave owning family. Your every wish was constantly fulfilled, without question or debate. No more cooking, cleaning or hauling. No more drudgery. The sense of complete power must have been rather intoxicating.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

"I could get really used to this," our kind Christian slaveowner and his family said with a satisfied smile. 

Now, for the family to continue this lifestyle, the Master and Mistress of the plantation must work very hard to put certain thoughts out of his mind. Thoughts like:

 "My God, they're human beings." 

Hence, people began publishing writings insisting the blacks were subhuman, a stupid mongrel race, intrinsically violent like an animal, etc. Their job was to help the slave owners not feel so bad about having slaves.

It was the same thing in Nazi Germany. After the Nazi's started sending the Jews to the camps and stealing their riches, suddenly they had all the money and power again. That felt good, and they wanted to keep it going.  Hence all of the writings that said Jews were dirty subhumans who were lower than rats and could never be trusted. And we all know the end result of that scenario.

That's the problem with power and denial. It can turn once decent people into animals.

Rationalization: it's our fatal flaw.

Anyway, eventually the slaves start to fight back. Some try to run away.

I'm not sure what the neck device does in these photos, but it can't be good. 

So our nice plantation owner, who paid good money for those slaves and now has to keep the wife living in the manner to which she's become accustomed has to clamp down on the slaves.  The Master opines: "Why don't they just obey me and not fight back? It just makes it worse for everyone..."

If the slave owner had any kind of a conscience at all, he had another slave do the whipping of the troublesome slave so he wouldn't have to do it himself.  The slaveowner and his family could then go inside and enjoy a game of backgammon and a nice glass of lemonade,  to protect their genteel southern ears from the whipping going on outside.

Or, if the guilt and defensiveness had been building in him over time, and a sense of angry entitlement was beginning to take hold, he might do the whipping himself, as a way to get all of that anger OUT. Take it out on the slave himself, who reminds the master how wrong all of this is just by his very presence. Every time he looks at one of those Africans out in the field the guilt and horror build up inside of him.  He's drinking more and more.

And he's getting more pressure now, from all sides. The abolitionist groups and the Quakers are mounting an increasingly vocal campaign on the immorality of slavery. "But they don't understand!" thinks the Master. "My wife and children love their nice things, and the orders for more cotton keep coming in!" 

Mostly, though, deep down he might now be filled with self-revulsion at what he is becoming -- of what he has become. Filled with anger and despondency, knowing there is no way out, he takes it all out on the slave with his whip, who reminds him with every scream what the slaveowner already knows: 

He will surely burn in hell. 

These plantation owners were so addicted to the money and power that by 1860, like any other addict, they were not going to stop on their own. 

So, the Civil War was like an intervention, and since then it's been one long rehab for the white south. They've spent the last 150 years jonesing from the glory days of slave ownership. 

I've noticed that rebel flag flyers tend to deflect blame when pushed into a corner by pointing out that the Greeks and Romans started slavery, and that Africa, the northern states and Europe also had slaves, etc.

Well, of course. Hell, it's going on now, worse than ever, all over the world. I'm trying to figure out how not to buy any cheap plastic crap from third world countries so as to not support illegal, immoral child labor. But this is difficult, since literally everything for sale on the shelf is cheap, plastic crap made by illegal, immoral child labor. 

But we're not talking about other countries here.  We're talking about US. You and me. Our people. This is what we did. We didn't start out to be bad people doing bad things. But like any addict on a bender, well, things kinda got outa hand. 

You know, it's pretty interesting that those who brush over the details of what American slavery actually was tend to be the same people who hold freedom and liberty to be the most important essential rights. 

Which leads us back to that damn Rebel flag. 

We can all debate what it really means, and what it stands for, but I think this cartoon pretty much says it best:

About the War on Christmas...

                                                 A Charlie Brown Christmas, 1965



  I could not have been more fortunate to have experienced an early childhood Christmas in the 1960's.

                                The King Family Christmas specials were a beloved tradition
                                               on TV every year during the 1960's


 "Pure joy" are the words that spring to mind when I recall the pristine beauty and all encompassing Christmas spirit that enveloped the lives of all the children in my Orange County neighborhood during those days.

                                               Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, 1964


     As hard as it is to conceive now, we actually sang Christmas carols in our public schools back in those days. Even traditionally sacred songs such as Silent Night and The First Noel were a part of the curriculum.

  Although I'm a progressive, I've found myself occasionally nodding in agreement in recent years when the Fox News types complain about the politically correct "War on Christmas."

                      "Defending Christmas" is a popular topic every December for Bill O'Reilly.


   Truth be told, I really miss those old days sometimes. The Christmas season, to my innocent, sparkling eyes back then, was so pure and beautiful.

  And yet...and yet...in really looking at this issue, I must use my head as well as my heart.

 Despite the fact that we had no snow, growing up in Orange County during the 1960's
was a very, very, very, very white existence. I didn't even see my first African-American human being in person until I was almost 10. He was a friend of our fathers who came to visit. His skin was very, very dark. I was curious to see what his skin felt like, so I asked him if I could touch his arm. He kindly agreed.

 There were very few immigrants in Orange County back then from Asia or the Middle East, and only a tiny sprinkling of Jews. We were white, white, whitey white, Christian white.

 America in 2013, needless to say, is a very different place than in the 1960's.  Now, you can argue about the topic of immigration and how we got to be the way we are, but the fact is that the Christian white extreme majority that we enjoyed in the 1960's is pretty much gone.

 Fox News likes to complain about how our government and schools have pretty much drained the original Christmas message out of any annual celebrations. But the "Happy Holidays" thing started with businesses, not with government.

 Businesses realized that if you want to attract ALL customers during the holidays, and not just white Christian ones, you'd best cast a wide net.

  Christmas purists might cringe at this very politically correct holiday card which some businesses send out. But if you think about it, if you have customers of every race and religion, a card like this is probably a pretty smart business model.

 Fox News, ground zero of the "War on Christmas" creed, got busted recently. You see, Fox News IS, of course, first and foremost a BUSINESS. With employees that they presumably appreciate and would like to keep.

         A Fox News employee inadvertently admitted on the air that the Fox and Friends Christmas Party was actually a HOLIDAY party, as the graphic above shows. Whoopsie.

    You see, Fox News is in the middle of New York City, and without doubt several of their employees are Jewish, etc.  The slip-up above shows how political correctness regarding Christmas in America started in, and mostly thrives in -- the business community. With good reason. It's just good business.

   Now the War on Christmas has spread to schools and governments, and to a certain extent, I agree with and understand the political correct movement.

      Is it really morally right to have a monument to Christian Bible verses in front of a government building that is supposed to represent all of us, of every religious (or non-religious) background equally?

  So, here we are, in 2013.  Bill O'Reilly not withstanding, Christmas seems to be thriving. It's alive and well. And of course, noone is stopping us from going Full Nativity Scene in our homes and churches. We are free to celebrate in whatever way we choose amongst our family and friends.

               ..and that means ANY way we want. This probably wouldn't be MY choice,
                   but America still is a free country! And if it makes my gay friends happy,
                                                        then who am I to argue?


As with most controversial issues, in my opinion the middle way is the best.

 I don't think City Hall needs to have a Nativity scene splayed on the grass.

 But I do wish public schools could feel free to lead their children in a beautiful Christmas carol like "Silent Night" that encompasses our best traditions and encourages feelings of togetherness, peacefulness and awe.

 Who could have a problem with that?

I Can't Bear To Watch the News Today

Yesterday was the latest multiple shooting here in the U.S.  This one was in Washington D.C.

The shooter was a depressed, anxious and disgruntled young man whom authorities believe slipped across the state line into Virginia (where there are little or no state restrictions on buying guns) and bought this semi-automatic rifle:

It's called an AR-15. It was created for use in the American armed forces. It is excellent for battle because it is lightweight, easy to use and reload, and it can kill many people in a short period of time.

It is either illegal or very difficult for civilians to purchase and own in nearly all western countries.

But in the US, there are no federal restrictions on semi-automatic weapons like this one.

              There is even a "Hello Kitty" version available for purchase here in the US


The AR-15 was used in many of our most famous recent American mass-shootings, and for good reason. It's an extremely efficient killing machine.

 They are still gathering information about the latest shooter. But what they do know is he was a big fan of violent video games. "You could say he was obsessed with them," said one media personality. Literally every mass shooter has spend hour after countless hour obsessively playing them. In their minds, I think, they are literally "in training" for "the big day."

      Speaking of violent video games and the media, Grand Theft Auto 5 came out recently, to little or no uproar or outrage by the media, or strangely, even by conservative family organizations.

        Violent shooting video games like Grand Theft Auto are used by our military to train special forces units for battle. They do this very efficiently and realistically. It's kind of like how pilots train in those flight simulators. It's not much of a jump to go from the computer generated image to the real thing.

  Anyway, each time Grand Theft Auto comes out with a new version, the news media basically gushes about how cool it is, and how fresh and realistic the effects are.

 By the way, Grand Theft Auto isn't just about stealing cars and violent automatic weapon battles. It also features crack cocaine, rape and prostitutes.

 Cool.

Chris and I were in Roatan, Honduras when the Sandy Hook murder-suicide took place (that's what they are, by the way: these shooters to a man are despondent and suicidal, as are Islamic terrorists).  That was the one where a couple of dozen children and teachers were killed. We happened to be traveling with several  Canadians during this time.

The Canadians looked at Chris and I and asked with calm, sincere,  clear-eyed honesty:

"Wow. What's going on in your country? Why doesn't anyone want to change things? How can you live this way?"

Well. It's kind of hard to explain...

The rest of the civilized world looks at us this way as well. They truly don't understand.

Anyway, this morning the news is showing politicians say that their "thoughts and prayers" are with the victims and their families.  This is getting a bit tiresome.

To me, if you are a politician, and you take money from the NRA and you pass laws that make automatic weapons easily available to basically anyone, then you come on TV and say that your "thoughts and prayers" are with the victims and their families -- well -- I'll let you be the judge.

 Another thing I'm tired of? The media asking: "How could this happen?"

 We know how it happens -- and why.  There is no more mystery to it.

 The Randy Newman's song I Just Want You To Hurt Like I Do pretty much explains the mental/emotional state of these shooters:

                 If I had one wish, one dream I knew would come true;

                      I'd want to speak to all of the people of the world;

                       I'd get up there, I'd get up there on that platform;

                        I'd talk to the people, and I'd say:

                        'It's a rough, rough world -- it's a tough, tough world;

                          And things don't always go the way we plan;

                               But there's one thing we all have in common;

                                And it's something everyone can understand;

                            I just want you to hurt like I do;

                            I just want you to hurt like I do;

                            I just want you to hurt like I do --

                            Honest, I do -- honest, I do -- honest, I do.'

                                       -- Randy Newman, "I Just Want You To Hurt Like I Do."

So I'm not watching the news today.  Watching it -- well -- it tears a bloody hole in my gut.

And I don't want to hear the question: "Why do they do it?" anymore.

Because we know why they do it.

They do it because they can.







  

The Real Race Issue No One Wants To Talk About

  Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's iconic Washingdon D.C. "I Have A Dream" speech. President Obama and many others gave commemorative presentations at the same Lincoln Memorial site to acknowledge the day in history.  The news media took the opportunity to discuss and debate the status of American race relations in 2013.

 Progressive/liberal outlets like MSNBC spent the day discussing recent setbacks in civil rights in the US, including the return of ugly trends like voter suppression in southern states, police brutality, education inequality, vanishing manufacturing jobs and what they see as pretty overt racism towards President Obama.

 Interestingly, more conservative outlets such as Fox News presented a much different story. They seemed to imply that they didn't really understand why another March on Washington was even necessary. Many conservative commentators stated their belief that racism of the sort that Dr. King and other African Americans suffered in their day is long gone.

 After all, they ask, when was the last time you saw separate water fountains? Or police firing hoses on protestors, or sicking attack dogs on defenseless black men?

  And their strongest argument: How can racism still exist if the most powerful man in the country is African American?

   Isn't the race war over?

  The answer, of course, is sort of. Yes, and no.

  My more conservative friends and family will argue that there are not only African Americans but people of all races, white collar professionals who live and work amongst them in their upper-middle class neighborhoods and workplaces.  And everyone gets along just fine.

 Which leads me to my point: with the exception of certain geographical areas of the country (we all know where they are), I think we are, mostly now, post-racial.

 But this post-racial badge comes with a gigantic asterisk.

 We as white America do, for the most part, accept and welcome not just African-Americans, but Hispanics, Asians, etc., into our workplaces and neighborhoods -- but only if they dress, act, speak and live pretty much exactly like we do.

 Another prerequisite to gaining entrance into the club? It really, really helps if you're religion is of the Judeo-Christian variety. If you're Muslim, and your wife wears a burka while shopping at Whole Foods? I don't care if you're the chief of neurosurgery at the local university hospital. Ahem. You know how it is. No offense.

          We may for the most part not be racist in the old-fashioned sense of the word anymore.

           But what we are is class-ist.

                             The Cosby Show family would be welcomed into most any upper
                          middle class neighborhood in America. After all, Cliff Huxtable was
                          an OB/GYN. A doctor.   They lived in a big house and probably
                                                             drove a nice European car.
                                                           And they didn't act all rappy.



               I was intrigued by the angry response by some whites to the recent
               K-Mart ad campaign which featured urban African-American children
                                                dancing, rapping and singing.

    The words were mostly about taking the bus back to school, trying to look cool for a good price, etc. But they sang in "rap speak" -- which means they use slang aimed at the target demographic for the ad: African Americans. For lack of a better way to say it: they were speaking their own language.

  But oh, the ire. Editorials and online rants exploded from white America complaining that...what, exactly, I'm not sure. They just didn't like seeing children rapping, I guess, even if it was just about clothes and school busses and going to K-Mart.

    The key here is this: nothing offensive was said. They were just some pretty cute African American kids laughing, singing and dancing about new school clothes. There was no twerking going on.


 

                             By the way, speaking of twerking, please note the race
                                              of Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke.


 
     Miley Cyrus, by her actions in recent months, has to upper-middle class Christian white America plummeted in status from beloved child star Hannah Montana to...well...whatever label you want to place on her today.

                            And this has nothing to do with race. She is WHITE.
                                 But she has dropped in status by virtue of class.


   White America likes people of other races and cultures who act, dress and talk like we do. Period. If you don't, then you're suspect. We can't trust you. You're no longer in our tribe. Who knows what you might do? No offense. Gotta protect the family.

  Now, to be fair -- this isn't just a White America issue. This is, to a certain extent, human nature.

 For example, in the large corporate office I used to work in, there were hundreds of people of every different race and ethnicity that all worked together in the same building. By all accounts, everyone for the most part worked well together and there were no overt race-related problems.

 But come lunch time, guess what? You go to the lunch room, and what do you find?

 The Filipino table.

 The Black table.

 The Chinese table.

 And it gets worse.

 Despite the fact that I counted fellow employees of several different races amongst my friends, and I took pride in the fact that I considered the white chief medical officer and the Spanish speaking cleaning lady friends of equal stature,  I was not off the hook either.

 The sad truth is that my three very best friends at the office -- the ones I went out to lunch with,  socialized with outside of work and entrusted my most personal secrets and stories -- were white like me, and had nearly identical upper-middle class protestant childhoods as mine. They enjoyed the same music, movies, books and TV shows, had the same political leanings and had basically the same level of college education.

Sigh.

 So what does this mean? The cynic would say: "See? Everybody's a racist deep down."

 I could not disagree more strongly.

 I simply believe that OF COURSE, we are all drawn to people with similar backgrounds and similar families. OF COURSE we are all drawn to people who like the same music as we do, and who practice the same religion.

 You know why? Because we know that by seeking out the similar, the odds are good that we will be understood. We will be welcomed and appreciated. We will not be judged.  We know they'll probably laugh at our lame jokes!

 So, what's the answer?

 For me, after nearly two years of traveling the world, sailing thousands of miles, I know from personal experience that there are kind, quality people of integrity in all cultures around the world. I know that everyone wants the same things: happiness and security for themselves and their loved ones. We all want to be understood, appreciated and loved.

   There are thugs, heroes, saints and sinners in every race and social class. But for the most part, my experience tells me that most people are basically good and aren't trying to hurt anybody. Most people, though often fumbling and bumbling, are truly doing the best they can.

 I know for myself, I seek out people of different races, backgrounds and yes -- different classes. Because this enriches my life. Yes, sometimes it's scary. But it's always worth it.

 One more thing about human nature: scientists and anthropologists are discovering that it is in our DNA to try to work together.  To seek to help and to understand. To be part of the human tribe.

This is how we thrive.

 The lone wolf withers and dies.

We need each other. Now, more than ever.