Showing posts with label television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label television. Show all posts

Monday, August 10, 2015

The Healing Power of Northern Exposure



Recently I woke up after a sleepless night. I was in a funk, and prepared to suffer through what felt like an inevitable really bad day. I felt listless, sad and a bit lost. I wasn't sure where to turn or how to feel better.

Suddenly, my eyes lit up and I sat up in bed. Eureka! I knew what would turn things around!

I popped in my season 3 DVD of the early 90's TV show Northern Exposure. After only one episode I was laughing through tears and had a fresh, new clarity on things. I put on the coffee and began calling friends and family, making plans and setting aside petty grievances.

I was cured.


                                       Dr. Joel Fleishman gets primal on Northern Exposure


The premise of the show is simple enough.  Lifetime New Yorker and newly minted M.D. Joel Fleishman is sent -- against his will -- to a tiny town in the wilds of Alaska to work in a rural clinic in order to pay back his medical school loans.  Suddenly stripped of every modern convenience and diversion that the Big Apple has to offer,  bare bones Cicely may as well be jail to our Joel.



City boy Joel is not happy to be in Cicely. Joel loves Zabars, New York bagels, golf, the Atlantic Monthly and a good cappuccino.



Life is slow in Cicely. VEEERY slow.  Joel goes through the five stages of death as he fights, kicks, screams and finally howls at the moon in desperation at the prospect of wasting years of his hard fought youth in this tiny, backwater way station miles and miles from anywhere. He can't understand why anyone would choose to live in this dreary place.

Finally, after several episodes, he begrudgingly (as we all must when we are stuck in a situation not of our choosing) gives up, accepts his fate and settles in. The occupants of the town are mostly Native Americans and a few refugees of the lower 48 who have found a different way of life, far from modern America. Many are running from something...looking for freedom and a fresh start.

At first glance, Cicely IS a dreary place. Depressing. Distressed old buildings line the main drag. Nothing's been updated for years and years. Peeling paint and old wallpaper line the mismatched walls of the doctor's office.  Nothing appears fresh and new anywhere.

But then, one by one, you get to know the people.

There's Ed, the local native American teenager who was abandoned by his parents and raised by the local tribe.



Ed Chigliak loves Woody Allen, Marty Scorcese and Ingmar Bergman,  and dreams of making his own films one day


There's Maurice Minnifield, a former astronaut and minor celebrity, who left Oklahoma to start a new life in Alaska.




The entrepreneur Maurice dreams of luring big money to the "Alaskan Riviera" from the lower 48 with hotels, resorts, golf courses and hunting lodges. Back in the states there are many who are richer and more famous than him, but here in Cicely,  he's the richest -- and the only famous -- man in town.  He's at the top of the heap and he likes it like that. He also loves the finer things in life, including great wine, art and show tunes. 


                                        There's Ruth Ann, owner of the general store.



Ruth Ann headed north in 1971 with nothing but 800 dollars in her wallet after her husband died. Somehow she ended up in Cicely and never left. She loves bingo, hunting and the films of Louie Malle.



There's Chris Stephens, morning DJ and radio storyteller/philosopher on KBHR, the local radio station owned by Maurice.




Chris was raised in Wheeling, West Virginia by an alcoholic father.  He loves Walt Whitman, Joseph Campbell, Jung, Proust, Willie Nelson, Nietzche and Jack London. He's a sculptor, lives in a tiny trailer, bathes in the lake, and may -- or may not -- be running from the law. 


There's bush pilot Maggie O'Connell.



Maggie grew up pampered in Gross Point, Michigan, the daughter of a GM executive. Maggie's tortured by the fact that her last 7 boyfriends in Alaska have all died sudden, violent deaths -- including the most recent one who was crushed by a satellite that fell from the stratosphere. She's a gourmet cook and loves the poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay. 


There's Joel's office receptionist, Marilyn Whirlwind.




Marilyn infuriates the NYC raised Joel, as she is a young woman of very few words. Filled with native wisdom, she rarely speaks and quietly exudes non-verbal, non-judgmental wisdom. She is the textbook definition of "guileless" and is completely comfortable in her own skin. Naturally, this drives Joel crazy. Marilyn raises ostriches, and she loves knitting, dancing, doing laundry and reading Joel's Sharper Image catalogs.



Lastly there's Cicely's one happy couple -- Holling and Shelley, who run The Brick. It's the only bar/restaurant in town, and the perpetual gathering place for Cicilians. With it's comfortable atmosphere and perhaps a Bob Dylan tune lilting out of the juke box, it's a metaphorical and literal shelter from the storm (or should I say, blizzard). There's no sadness that a smile from the lovely waitress Shelley or a relaxed game of pool won't soothe at least a little.



Holling is a man among men, honest and hardworking. He gave up hunting bears for nature photography,  and he loves camping.  Shelley's into ice hockey, fluffy slippers and Bon Jovi. 


Each of these characters is, except for Maurice,  completely removed from the rat race of modern America. They drive old cars that need paint jobs, and they buy their clothes at thrift stores. Their simple homes are filled with mismatched dinnerware, framed paint-by-numbers pastoral scenes -- lovingly created -- and gently used but well cared for furniture.

In short, they've given up the trappings of materialism.

What's scary to most of us is it's these very things -- nice clothes, houses, cars -- which we hide behind. They're all part of an eloborate mask we've created which shields us as we compete in an ever accelerating race of ego-driven achievement and accumulation of stuff.

Equally alarming is the fact that in Cicely, there's no TV, no internet. They have VCRs where they watch classic movies from Ruth Ann's video rental wall at the general store, and that's about it. 

How do they survive without going crazy? 

It's hard to pin down. 

The characters go through tough times, loneliness, depression and malaise -- especially during the months of total darkness that is the Alaskan winter. Week after week, we watch rapt as they seek ways to deal with these emotions that we all feel at one time or another.

Chris in the Morning, the radio show, is the pulse of the town. Chris reads from the classics, he plays the best music from all genres, he tells stories and tries to find the meaning of it all. He explores everything: loneliness, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal, existentialism, good vs. evil, poetry, the laws of attraction, wildness, quantum physics,  art and beauty, the nature of consciousness -- and delves into myths and stories from cultures far and wide. 

His radio show is the soundtrack to life in Cicely, lilting in the background in every home and business. His searching, dark yet hopeful and optimistic take on life sets the tone for life in the town, and for the gentle lessons of the show. 



One particularly dark, dreary winter, Chris shook himself and the town out of their funk with a surprise light sculpture which he lovingly built using bits and pieces of lamps, neon signs and twinkly lights from all over town.


Humor and whimsy enter the dialog via hilarious and entertaining peripheral characters who come and go through the years. There's Leonard the Shaman,  Adam the genius gourmet cook who may, or may not, have worked for the CIA, and his brilliant but hypochondriacal wife. There's the by-the-book Officer Semansky (she's the only law-enforcement officer for 250 miles) and Mike the allergic-to-the-world lawyer who lives in a completely sterile geodesic dome. 




25 years ahead of it's time, there's Eric and Ron who buy a bed and breakfast, marry and settle in Cicely. When former Marine Ron meets the somewhat homophobic military man/astronaut/Alpha male Maurice for the first time, without skipping a beat Ron mutters "Semper Fi," with a wry smile, pats a confused Maurice on the shoulder and walks off with Eric.

Northern Exposure is also a modern masterpiece of Magical Realism. Dream sequences flow through nearly episode, unmasking fears and fantasies. There are demons and spirit guides, talking trees, humans reincarnated as dogs, the Flying Man, people dreaming each other's dreams, the healing power of the Aurora Borealis. Or not. Like the best Magical Realism of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, it's all done in a whimsical way, where beauty, reality, and magic blur together. 

Kinda like life.

Mainly, I think, the show is a meditation on how to deal with loneliness. Most of the characters live alone, and have chosen to come to the wilds of Alaska -- alone. Family and friends pass through and then return to the states, romances flourish and die, friendships shear apart and sheepily reattach as they realize how much they rely on each other in this wild place.

They have profound conversations deep into the night about the nature of existence, why we're here and why we do the things we do.  They banter about through the ins and outs of Native American, Russian, Korean, Catholic, African myths and cultures -- and especially Jewish ones, which is Joel's journey. 

They laugh, they play chess, they cook and share meals together, they fish and hunt for days in the wild. They contemplate life and death through the lens of film, music and the printed word. And mostly, they treat one another with a kind hearted gentleness -- a good spiritedness which comes from knowing how dangerous and wild the world really is. They know how much they need each other.

But it's never, ever syrupy sweet, or pretentious, or preachy. Don't ask me how they do it. They just do. 

Countless TV comedies render themselves to watching and rewatching each episode, over and over, sometimes hundreds of times over a lifetime in syndication. Seinfeld, Sex and the City and I Love Lucy spring to mind.

But TV dramas, no matter how high quality, don't tend to hold up in the long run in syndication. I think the primary reason is they tend to look very dated. Miami Vice is a prime example. We loved watching it in the 1980's. But to watch it now, the music, the clothes, the hair -- yikes. Excruciating and unwatchable in 2015.



TV's Moonlighting. So cool and fun in 1985. Now? Fuggetaboutit.


Northern Exposure, on the contrary, holds up extremely well. The producers used classic music and songs for the soundtrack from all genres and eras. The characters were not into fashion, so their hair and clothes look like what a modern day Alaskan might wear. 

Of course, the heart of the show is Joel's journey. In season one, he is stripped down to his basic humanity, clueless how to proceed without all of the trappings of modern capitalistic society. He is truly hopeless. But over the arc of the 6 seasons, he slowly learns how to rebuild his life from the inside out rather than the outside in. 

In "A-hunting We Will Go," Joel, good Jewish New Yorker that he is, waxes forcefully and loudly about the evils of hunting. "It's Killing Bambi!" he cries. After much debate amongst the townspeople, though, he has an epiphany.  He sees that since he eats meat, he's a hypocrite if he loves tearing the flesh ofp a rib with his teeth at a cookout, but is at the same time offended by the killing.  He agrees to go on a hunting trip with Chris and Holling. Once on the hunt, almost immediately he understands the attraction of shooting and killing an animal that he will then eat for survival. "It's so raw. So primal. So honest," he says. But this was before he finally got his first kill. 



After shooting his first grouse, the doctor in him kicks in when he sees that the bird is wounded but still alive. Instead of completing the deed by breaking his neck, he goes into triage mode, rushes the wounded bird to his office and performs emergency surgery to save his life. When the grouse dies, he's devastated, and confused by his conflicting emotions. But he learns.

Watching the show (yes, over and over again) has a strange therapeutic quality that I can't quite put a finger on. If you've never seen it, or barely remember it, I strongly recommend buying the DVD's or watching them on Netflix (for whatever strange reason, it's never been on streaming). But I can say from experience that spending an hour or two in the presence of these people seems to bring perspective, decrease anxiety and increase clarity and understanding.

Why ask why? Just do it.   :-) 

















Tuesday, July 21, 2015

10 Life Lessons I've Learned from the Real Housewives




Ahhhhh, The Real Housewives. Watching them are among my most shameful guilty pleasures. But hey, I'm not the only one. Julia Roberts, Anderson Cooper and Brad Pitt are fans. And for all I know, Jane Goodall, Mike Huckabee, Hillary Clinton and the Pope himself are closet watchers. It's hard to say, because most people who watch aren't as brave as me by admitting they're fans. They keep it to themselves.

The creator, Andy Cohen says that watching their antics should earn us college credits in psychology, sociology and human behavior. I completely agree, and after months and months of donning my lab coat and taking feverish notes, I've learned some things.

Let's just call them "cautionary tales..."

                                   1) When in a conflict, shut your mouth for 
                                             once and listen to the other person



                Ramona: "You're not listening to me!" 
             Sonja: "YOU'RE not listening to ME!" 
  Both break down crying. 



This scenario happens every week amongst the housewives.  These ladies spend a lot of time talking and expressing their feelings. Only problem is, they're not so big on listening to someone else's long, drawn out problems. Hey, they're busy ladies! They don't have hours to just sit and listen. They have a massage they need to get to, and that blowout party to prepare for.  


                                                            2) Don't be a "firestarter"



The Countess Luann loves spreading that piece of juicy gossip

Gossip is fun. I get it. It makes us feel instantly better about ourselves in two ways: a) talking about other people's embarrassing foibles diverts attention away from our own faults; and b) people love it when you share that tantalizing tidbit about someone else.  By having access to the secret information, it makes you look like you're "in the know." It's interesting. It's slightly scandalous. It's something other than the boring daily grind of kids, jobs, work. 

But some of the Housewives turn it into a high art form -- they're the firestarters. They love the power of lighting that match and watching the fire spread. 

Look, some spiritual leaders actually say that gossip, rendered fairly and in limited doses, can actually be spiritual -- because we can learn from other people's pain or failures. 

But to not pass on the tasty morsel takes character. It takes self-control, self-esteem and compassion for the subject of the gossip. These are traits that are in short supply in many of these women. But they ignore this at their peril, because one of the painful side effects of being a chronic firestarter is eventually nobody trusts you anymore. And who wants that?

                                               3) Don't live beyond your means



In a painful moment on the show, Real Housewife Lynn's teenage daughter receives family eviction papers on national television


 Oy vey, over the years many, many of these women have gone bankrupt and lost their mansions, which it turns out were way, way beyond their means. Of course, living the "simple life" is not exactly conducive to $100,000 shopping sprees and vacation mansions in East Hampton. And I'm sure living that jet-setting lifestyle is intoxicating and even kick-ass fun a lot of the time. But to get to their top tier world -- and to stay in it -- requires a certain style. Expensive style. And once you're up there on the tightrope, the view is grand, and most people don't want to go back down to be with us minions. So they take out second and third mortgages. They keep up appearances. Until it all inevitably comes crashing down.





                                     4) Crying "I was just being honest!" after saying 
                                          something impossibly cruel is not an excuse



Ramona is prone to saying things like: "I've got hundreds of friends, and you don't have any!" She tends say these things after several glasses of her favorite, Pinot Grigio.


And then, when called on her cruelty, she throws up her hands defensively and says: "I was just being honest!"  Sigh. Really? Lordy -- don't they teach basic manners in boarding school anymore? 


                                                          5) Don't be a 'record keeper' 



The Beverly Hills housewives say: "Who did what to whom again? Who am I supposed to be mad at? Whose side am I on in this one? I can't keep it straight..."


Lordy, these ladies are notorious record keepers. Sometimes it feels like during the rare times they actually listen to one another speak, they've got their feelers out for something -- anything -- to take personally. What follows is weeks and weeks of righteous indignation on steroids. 

What's missing here is basic, simple communication. Things like "Think before you speak." Or fixing miscommunications in the early stages. These ladies really seem to get off on the drama. 

It's almost as if, since they have few "regular problems," being as rich and famous as they are, that they have to create drama where none need exist. It's really frustrating to watch, and it's gotta be exhausting. 



                                            6) When you've wronged someone, 
                            take ownership of it right away and sincerely apologize




"I called her to apologize, but SHE wouldn't apologize for what SHE said!"

This is another common scenario amongst these ladies: Housewife #1 says something slightly mean to Housewife #2; Housewife #2 is shocked and offended, stomps off and proceeds to gossip all over town about "what SHE said." Housewife #1 is now upset that housewife #2 was so oversensitive and told everybody about the kerfuffle. Housewife #1 calls #2 to try to fix the problem. Housewife #2 is happy that Housewife #1 is finally going to apologise. But Housewife #1 says: "I don't have anything to apologize for -- I was expecting YOU to apologize!" More tears, more ridiculous drama about nothing, more gossiping to everyone about how each felt she was wronged.




I swear, sometimes you need charts and graphs to keep all of the stupid miscommunications that were blown up unnecessarily, spreading collateral damage far and wide -- and all happening at once.

It's such a pathetic waste of energy. 



                                           7) Learn what "age appropriate" dress means



Vicki, the self-crowned Queen of Coto de Caza, Orange County



New Jersey housewife Theresa showing questionable taste in this outfit. By the way, she got thrown into the slammer for tax evasion (again, living beyond her means), and I'm assuming her outfits are a bit more modest now (in jail). 



                                     8) Don't constantly correct others and tell them 
                                                how they should live their lives



Orange County housewife Heather has a great life. She's smart, beautiful, has a rich plastic surgeon husband and two lovely kids. But she's VEEEEERY self-satisfied, and she tends to point her finger across the table and say very intensely: "You need to do (fill in the blank." She may very well be right. But that's not the point. 

Wise teachers point out that unsolicited advice can sometimes be interpreted as an act of aggression. 

This is an issue that can be a problem for me as well. I just want to "help" so I can tend to hand out advice when none was requested. I'm working on it.

One more thing about Heather: she and her husband are building a dozens-of-millions-of-dollars custom mansion overlooking the ocean in Newport Coast. It will have 15 bathrooms. FIFTEEN BATHROOMS. 

Um, OK, hope everything turns out for you lovebirds, Heather (see #3 above).


                                                              9) Be good to the help



The pampered, rich housewife says to the exhausted, overworked Mexican immigrant woman giving her the massage: "You have NO idea how much I need this..." 

Oh, Lord.  Needless to say, the exhausted, overworked Mexican immigrant woman giving the massage has never RECEIVED a massage in her life -- and she has little hope of ever receiving one. 

And we don't really need to say which woman REALLY needs a good massage, now, do we?

I've actually seen a couple of the housewives say the exact same thing to a different exhausted, overworked Mexican immigrant woman lovingly giving her the massage. There are no words to describe how inappropriate, laughable, insensitive and just classless this is. Ladies, if you're lucky enough to be in the position to receive a luxurious massage from a hard working member of the working classes, just shut your trap, count your blessings and give her a gigantic tip. 


                                        10) If you want a long, happy marriage,
                                                        don't go on a reality show




OC housewife Tamra and her (now ex) husband Simon 


          These two actually seemed pretty happy when they first joined the cast. They seemed truly in love. But Simon, introverted by nature, was never comfortable with the cameras. Two years later, we actually saw the moment when the marriage ended with a flurry of curse words in the back of a limo. It was quite sad.

Which leads me to the saddest story of all: Bethenny and Jason.  Bethenny Frankel is a strong personality but she let her guard down and fell in love with Jason -- a good man. They married on TV, had a baby on TV, built their new life together on TV.


Jason supports Bethenny after she gave birth. A sweet, tender moment...but it IS on TV.



Their divorce only 2 years later was catastrophic and humiliating for Bethenny. And there have been countless other divorces on the show.

It's not rocket science. 

Sharing your life? Good.

Oversharing at the expense of privacy and your marriage, seeking fame and fortune ABOVE the dignity of your family relationship? Not so good.

Marriage is hard enough if you're just one of the regular people.

So, I admit it...as long as Bravo continues to lift the curtain and let us peek into the living rooms of people who willingly let us in with a smile -- I don't have the willpower NOT to watch.

Having said that, I don't think anyone should air all of their dirty laundry in this way. 

It's not healthy. 

But how can I NOT tune in, if they're willing to do it?

 As long as they're lifting the veil, I'll be watching.

But I still hope for a happy ending for all of them. 

Maybe they'll trip upon this list and heed my advice...





Tuesday, July 2, 2013

My real encounter with "The Real Housewives of Orange County."



                               The infamous tract homes of South Orange County




                My sister is taking her daughters to celebrate July 4th in our nation's capital,
                 which means a few days of dog-sitting at her lovely home deep in the OC.
               Little did I know that during this visit I would finally have my long-awaited,
                      in-person, up close and personal Real Housewives of Orange County
                                               encounter! But I'm getting ahead of myself...






                             This was the first sight that greeted us through the back slider.
                       OK, OK Riley, we'll play. But give us a few minutes to bond with
                                              the humans here on this side of the glass!




                   

                            Me and the nieces sat down for a quick game of Rummy with Nana.
                                                              Nana is a demon with those cards.
                                        Look how she grabs them up with such competitive vigor.





                                Niece Courtney gets a bit miffed at Nana's latest calculated move.
                             Know this about Nana: just because you are her beloved grandchild,
                                   she will never, EVER play easy on you. She's out for blood!





                                                                 Racking up the points






                                             Nana: "I win again. Who's in for another round?"
                                                           Me and the nieces: "No thanks.
                                                     We've had enough abuse for one day."





                                    Chris smartly skipped the game and began bonding with Riley


            My Nana (actually, she's my Mom) is quite the marvel. I won't betray her age here. I'll just say she was born somewhere between Roosevelt and Truman.  Anyway, she's amazing. She still works at several jobs. She volunteers. She speaks three languages!



   
                                               My Nana even knows how to tie a tie.
                                   A MEN'S tie, as she adeptly displays in this photo.
                               She whipped this thing out in like 3 seconds. No problem!



         

                                                Riley: "Are we going outside to play yet?"
                                    Me: "OK, OK, Riley, but first I need to put my bag upstairs."





                                 My niece tells me this message on her mirror is from the
                                         movie Mean Girls. My nieces are not mean.
                                          They are the sweetest girls on the planet.  :-)



   

                         My nieces showed me this tiny hummingbird nest in their yard.
                                  Only yesterday it had three tiny hummingbird eggs in it.
                             But then a hungry crow caught sight of it, and he ate them all.


                         That's sad. We went back inside where Paige had a reminder for me:





                        Paige: "Don't forget, you have to play with Chloe too while we're gone!"
                             Me: "Sheesh, yeah, I know. Dog-sitting can be alot of work!" :-)



                   

    As they would be participating in the largest July 4th celebration
             in the country in DC, my sister and nieces did up their nails
   in true patriotic fashion








They decided one more trip to the mall was indicated 
before their final packing for DC.  Naturally, I tagged along.


Going to the mall is big in the OC. In fact, we INVENTED the mall!




         When South Coast Plaza was built in Orange County in the '60's, 
        it was the first true "mall" of it's kind,  and the largest in the world. 


Anyway, we asked Chris if he wanted to come along to the mall.





       Chris: "No thanks. I'll stay here and monitor the dog situation
     from this nice, comfortable MAN chair."


So, off to the mall we went.




The fire-hydrant is made of gold. 
Only at the mall. Only in the OC.




Wind in the mall planters


   We then went inside.  I left my sister and niece inside a clothing store 
     and roamed around the mall on my own.




Ironic, I guess? Or not?




Somebody dropped their baby


      For me, one of the highlights of a visit to the mall is always
          a trip to the bookstore. Of course, there are no more bookstores
  at the mall -- or anywhere. This is a drag.


         I was happily surprised to find a book section at Restoration 
Hardware, of all places. I rushed over.




Oh, boy. I know, I know. Irony and Sarcasm are "in." But still...




It's a fine line between irony and passive-aggression. Or just bad taste. 



I left Restoration Hardware and headed towards Nordstrom. That's when I saw her.


I couldn't believe it. Here, where I'd least expected it (OK, OK, I guess it's where I'd MOST expect it) was an actual Real Housewife of Orange County! Heading right towards me! 

    Well, in truth it wasn't one of the ACTUAL housewives, it was Briana, 
    the daughter of the original and most notorious of all of the housewives: Vicki.




Briana, of the Real Housewives of Orange County


   One sort of poignant thing about the Housewives franchise
    is the way the children often suffer at the hands of the show and 
        the exploits of their moms. After all, the kids don't choose to be 
          on the show. And often, you can see the pain, suffering and 
embarrassment in the faces of the kids. 



  Briana is one of the most down to earth and "normal"
   people on the Housewives. She went to nursing school 
  and got a job as an RN at Hoag Hospital, where I was 
       hospitalized as a child. She then got married to a military 
      man, had a baby, and is now caring for her baby alone while 
her husband serves in Afghanistan.




Briana, baby and husband



        Anyway,  back to the mall. I had my camera on me and I
          prepared to snap a shot of Briana. But I just couldn't do it.
         For many reasons. One, she's not a big publicity hound like 
         her Mom and the rest of the housewives. She's just trying to 
          live her life as normally as possible (or anyway, as normally
           as possible when your Mom, and by extension, YOU,
    are on the Real Housewives of Orange County.)


         Also, I kinda felt sorry for her. She looked tired. 
             She's still pleasantly plump after having her baby, 
            and she looked like any other harried single mom 
            trying to push a stroller AND carry her several bags 
from Bed, Bath and Beyond. 


      Actually, the Bed, Bath and Beyond makes sense 
         because I read online that while she has been staying 
             with her crazy mom Vicki while her husband is in Afghanistan, 
              she's secured a place of her own and will be moving out soon.
Away from her mom, Vicki. 




Vicki yelling at her daughter Briana in a Real Housewives episode. 
Briana seems to be saying: "When does this nightmare end?"


So anyway, I didn't want to bug Briana. I did want to hug her and say "Hang in there with that crazy Mom of yours..." but I decided against that, too.  I just let her walk on by in peace.

So, you see, even Real Housewives of Orange County have tough days. And I couldn't be more grateful for my real Mom and my real family. 

:-)