Friday, October 28, 2011

"Cook, Wine and Drinker: Boat Names from Hell."

Men have named their boats since that ancient day when they first figured out that you could carve out a log and go kayaking.

Men have also named their other modes of transportation. For example, when I was a girl my parents named our family Country Squire:


However, for whatever reason, naming cars has never really caught on as it has with boats. The importance of a boat's name cannot be underestimated.

There are several different categories of boat names. 

There are guys who name their boats after their jobs: 

"Hook, Line and Sphincter." Sadly, I can almost guarantee this is a gastroenterologist. Please, let it be a gastroenterologist...

District Judge? Wow. Hi-LARIOUS (not).   

Corporate raider

A military man

This nice looking guy thinks he's the first dentist to name his boat "Mental Floss." Sadly, he is not, and he won't be the last, either... :-/

Then there are the macho names:

the nonsensical names:

the names in very questionable taste:

(Please Lord, let this not be a gynecologist?!?!?!? Unfortunately, I'm at the point where nothing would surprise me...)

(this could be another gastroenterologist)

OK, this is a fascinating one. This girl posing next to this boat looks like such a nice person. But she also looks a little big scared. I would really like to take her out for coffee and ask her what she is doing going  to sea with a guy who would name his boat "Good Time Bitch." Escape while you still can, sweetheart! In fact, I wonder if she was ever seen or heard from again after this photo was taken? 

(Urologist? OK, OK, I'll stop picking on my esteemed doctor colleagues now... :-)

Consider yourselves warned, ladies...

You just know this is a Havasu boat...

Then there are boat names with really bad karma:

It's always a crap shoot to name your boat something like "Life is Good." I have a hard time with overly flowery and ultra-happy-happy, nothing-could-ever-go-wrong names like this. Because for some strange reason, boats with these kind of names tend to end up washed up on the beach. It's as if you're taking it all for granted. It's Karma.

Or, if you have the balls to call your boat "Rock Busters," then don't be surprised when your boat ends up washed up on the rocks!

Go ahead. Name your boat "Success." I dare ya...

                    My favorite boat names tend to be some combination of cleverness, simplicity, honest insight, playfulness or meaning:

                                                           Or our boat name.  "Espiritu."

I like it. It means "spirit" in Spanish. It's meaningful, but it's not too corny. And even though it's in a foreign language,  you can figure out what it means even if you don't speak Spanish. It's optimistic, but not pompous or ridiculous.

                                      In my humble opinion, "Espiritu" is juuuuuuuust right.

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